Please stop. Stop now. Turn in your jerseys and towels. Demand a refund on your season tickets. Make 2018 the year you finally stand up for yourselves, your friends, your family and find some semblance of self worth and stop rooting for such an awfully run franchise. You are in a Toxic, codependent relationship with your franchise. They take your money and blue collar blood and splatter it against the basement of the AFC East year after year. Stop supporting this. Stop your tailgating and Tom Brady hating. Stop raising your kids to be Bills fans and buying Bills mugs and blankets and sweatpants. Stop being optimistic in such a pessimistic way. Stop living in the past of fallen glory which for you is still failure. See: 30 For 30 - Four Falls of Buffalo Stop comparing yourself to Cleveland, who just tied the Steelers while you were getting blown out by the Ravens. Current record: Browns 0-0-1 / Bills 0-1. (Let the Race for the #1 Pick begin!) Please also remember that the Browns are an expansion franchise from 1999. You have been in the NFL since 1970. So Just. Stop. Please.
Your franchise is a dumpster fire that you continue to hurl your hard earned cash into like lighter fluid to the coals because you like watching the flames blow up for a brief moment. Give your cash to me, I’ll donate it to charity OR I can invest it for you. The American Standard toilet bowl company is one of America’s oldest and most profitable porcelain manufacturers and distributors. Don't believe me? Check out their site:
https://www.americanstandard-us.com/bathroom/toilets?page=1&plimit=21
If anything needs a powerful flush with a cleaner bowl, it's your franchise. Invest your season ticket cost to them and at least you’d get a decent return beyond anger, disappointment, and terrible hangovers. I am literally suggesting that you flush your money into a toilet bowl conglomerate.
Here’s a typical story of a typical Bills fan; I was in my local liquor stor in Rochester, N.Y. a few weeks ago and I hear the bills pre-season game on the radio and they’re getting trounced. Obviously. As I am checking out I ask the clerk at the store the score. “Twenty to nothing. They’re gonna be terrible this year” he says with disdain. As if he thought they had a real shot at 12-4. I laugh and say; “Bet you wish you had Tyrod back now don’t you?” He immediately scoffs, “You mean, Tuh-Rod?” This is in reference to former starting Quarterback Tyrod Taylor mentioning the correct pronunciation of his given name this summer and that it has been mispronounced his entire career. “Good riddance to that guy” he says. I laugh, audibly, and say thanks and exit. This is the problem with your fan base. This is the problem with your team. Don’t you see?
During last season you demanded to replace Tyrod Taylor (A Top 15 QB by the way) with Nathan Peterman. Take a minute to think on that. Your fans on sportsradio all said the same uneducated and baseless things about Tyrod, ‘Taylor can only make one read then he runs/he can’t throw a deep ball/he makes terrible decisions. He isn’t a real Quarterback’ Bills fans, Did you watch your offensive line last year? Have you seen them THIS year? I have. I went to your training camp this summer and immediately thought ‘wow, those guys look bad. And boy are they small!’ Then the next week you’re future starting Quarterback A.J. McCarron was sacked hard and goes down with a broken collarbone. Then you traded him to the Raiders for a draft pick you just released. This left you with Peterman and Allen....
Let me show you some stats Bills fans, as I know you have an aversion to logic. These are Taylor's stats for the past 3 seasons and his terrible start Week 1 against the Steelers which was still light years better than Peterman. And these are not Advanced metrics:
So after analyzing those stats last season, your soon to be two year ex-coach gave into the fan pressure and replaced Tyrod when you had a WINNING RECORD! (5-4) And he replaces him with, wait for it, Nathan Peterman. Who? Your secret weapon nobody has heard of? The Next Jimmy G? The future of the Bills Franchise? Was this the week the Bills break through and surge for the AFC East title with their guy of the future? One half of football and 5 INTs later Peterman was out and Taylor was back in the game but still not back in your good graces. I wonder why? This was against the chargers by the way. And Peterman threw more picks in that half than taylor did all season.
Also a funny side note: Richie Incognito's Jersey Sales beat Taylor's last year. Bills fans, you supported this guy more than your QB...
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/police-report-richie-incognito-wanted-to-cut-off-his-dead-fathers-head-at-funeral-home/
Do you see yet?
So, after 5-Pick Peterman blew the game against San Diego, Taylor still went on to lead you to a 9-7 record and a mathematical shot at the playoffs which miraculously panned out. You made it to the only playoff game you have been in the past 18 years because Andy Dalton threw a Touchdown! In a game that didnt matter and mathematically got you in to a wildcard spot where you lost to Blake Bortles and the JAGUARS. And did you thank Tyrod Taylor? No. You gave credit to the defense.
Your offense lost to the best Defense in the league and your touted defense lost to one of the worst offenses in the league. Great job. Did you ever say 'Thank You' to Tyrod after that playoff game? Nope, You dealt him to Cleveland, drafted this decade’s soon to be version of Jake Locker 2.0, banked on A.J. Freakin McCarron!...So naturally you name ol 5 Pick Peterman as your week 1 starting QB in 2018. How did that go for you?
If you believed in Peterman and continued to let him start the rest of last year do you really think you even get that chance for Andy Dalton to do Andy Dalton things and throw that horrific game winning TD that edged you into the wildcard? No. Way. But congratulations Bills fans. You got exactly what you wanted. Here are Peterman's stats for the Week 1 Loss against the Ravens:
(Yes, that is a QB Rating of 0.0)Oy...If only Donald Trump was allowed to buy your franchise, what a dream that would have been for sports and comedy fans everywhere. He would have taken this franchise and done to it what he has done to the Oval Office. It would have been a hilarious, Twitter frenzied, anti-NFL, bully ridden, name calling mess. Richie Cognito would be your team captain! There would be enough bombastic fanfare that even you wouldn't be able pay attention to how bad things are for your franchise while he secretly moved it to Russia. The Moscow Bills. That sounds nice. But somehow, even that got screwed up.
So good luck Bills fans and here's to...Actually I take that back. Not Good luck. You deserve this. All of it. And you are always jerks to me with the same old crappy comments when I am in my Brady Jersey.
Happy 2018 and we will see you at the draft!
Mark
No comments:
Post a Comment